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Diary: An Alternative (Action) Christmas Movie list

Diary: An Alternative (Action) Christmas Movie list

If you’re anything like me and you hate sappy romantic comedies, unless they take place in London (Love Actually, Notting Hill) and movies that are designed to pull at your heartstrings, but have no real merit, then Christmas movies really annoy you.

In an effort to avoid being annoyed (at least for a little bit) I’ve come up with an alternative Christmas movie list.  I’m an Action, Thriller, Sci-Fi, Fantasy fan, so bad writing and bad acting piss me off.  And, also, why say Merry Christmas when you can say, Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker?

Here we Go:

Die Hard:
Nothing says Christmas like a ripped, barefoot, greasy Bruce Willis in a wife beater.  Jack McClain is one of my favorite action heroes and the original Die Hard is still the Best.  Throw in Professor Snape (a delightfully bad Alan Rickman) , a Russian Ballerina, and a delightful LA cop, and you’ve got a movie that spells Christmas like nothing else.  And I’m sorry but is there any better scene than when Willis puts hits jacked bi-ceps up and his guns reach for his gun? C’mon.  

Three Days of the Condor:
For the Intellectual Thriller fan, there’s not much better.  Robert Redford and Faye Dunaway play off one another in a developing suspense mystery that takes place during the holidays.  The suspense builds slowly, after all the film was made back before the human attention span was longer than a flea’s.  So if you require constant input this may not be for you. Plus Robert Redford looks great with a popped collar, there are a lot of wonderful sartorial style ideas for fashion conscious among us.

The Nice Guys:
Yes! By far one of the best movies, I’m going to say ever.  Take two really really good dramatic actors (Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling) and set them up in a slapstick, thriller action comedy. I can watch Ryan Gosling all day long (duh, who can’t) but his comedic timing in this film is incredible.  He and Russell Crowe play off of each other running around LA trying to solve a murder.  It takes place during 70’s LA so the fashion is delightful.  I could and have watched the elevator and bathroom stall scene on repeat.  And yes, this delightful (ok a bit violent as well) caper takes place during Christmas.

Enemy of the State:
One review I read said Enemy of the State takes place during Christmas for no particular reason. Well here’s a reason: combine two awesome things together: Christmas and Will Smith.  And then add a crochety but incredible Gene Hackman and you’ve got a classic.  Thriller, Action, Comedy….sensing a pattern here?  This is one of those perfectly crafted 90’s movies (and as it turns out the conspiracy theory part that the government is watching us, is not that theoretical after all.) A well written, well acted, with just the right amount of hubris set at Christmas classic. And don’t forget Jon Voight, with a serious Vitamin D deficiency.

Home Alone:
Surprised? Well you shouldn’t be.  This is actually a legit thriller.  Yeah it stars a kid, but my god, being home alone is scary at any age, but when you have Joe Pesci after you? Fuhgetabout it! Macaulay Culkin has some great lines and even better boobie trap ideas.  This one is mild enough, in the way that seriously scary Disney Movies are (I mean wtf, how are those for children?) that the kiddies, or in my case immature adults, can watch it too.  Plus who doesn’t love putting aftershave on their face, and then slapping their cheeks and giving a good yell?  Really, has anyone out there not done this? Don’t lie. 

Christmas in San Francisco

Christmas in San Francisco

A Christmas Table Setting

A Christmas Table Setting